Philippians 1

Found this today after I read through the passage, something from the rocking sweet house church I was able to be a part of last year. It's weird how a passage that I've read so many times before can come alive in such new and different ways throughout life.

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I want you to know, brothers, that what has happened to me has really served to advance the gospel, so that it has become known throughout the whole imperial guard and to all the rest that my imprisonment is for Christ.

For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain.

And most of the brothers, having become confident in the Lord by my imprisonment, are much more bold to speak the word without fear. Some indeed preach Christ from envy and rivalry, but others from good will. The latter do it out of love, knowing that I am put here for the defense of the gospel.

For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain.

The former proclaim Christ out of rivalry, not sincerely but thinking to afflict me in my imprisonment. What then? Only that in every way, whether in pretense or in truth, Christ is proclaimed, and in that I rejoice.

For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain.

Yes, and I will rejoice, for I know that through your prayers and the help of the Spirit of Jesus Christ this will turn out for my deliverance, as it is my eager expectation and hope that I will not be at all ashamed, but that with full courage now as always Christ will be honored in my body, whether by life or by death.

For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain.

If I am to live in the flesh, that means fruitful labor for me. Yet which I shall choose I cannot tell. I am hard pressed between the two. My desire is to depart and be with Christ, for that is far better. But to remain in the flesh is more necessary on your account.

For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain.

Convinced of this, I know that I will remain and continue with you all, for your progress and joy in the faith, so that in me you may have ample cause to glory in Christ Jesus, because of my coming to you again.

For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain.

Only let your manner of life be worthy of the gospel of Christ, so that whether I come and see you or am absent, I may hear of you that you are standing firm in one spirit, with one mind striving side by side for the faith of the gospel, and not frightened in anything by your opponents. This is a clear sign to them of their destruction, but of your salvation, and that from God. For it has been granted to you that for the sake of Christ you should not only believe in him but also suffer for his sake, engaged in the same conflict that you saw I had and now hear that I still have.

For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain.

Go West Young Man.

So I'm flying to Kansas tomorrow. So far I've been home and jobless going on two months now, and my bank account looks like it's gone through WWIII. So naturally, I'm doing what anyone in my situation would do. Go fly someplace I've never been before and work with a good friend for a month. I'm pretty psyched about it, and I think it'll be good to get away for a tad bit and have a change in scenery. Let's just hope that I get a bit better at swinging a hammer so I return with all fingers still in tact.

I figured I'd give everyone a few songs that will change your life too.

Daedalus - Thrice
Come All You Weary - Thrice
Broken Lungs - Thrice
Open Water - Thrice
Talking In Code - Margot & The Nuclear So and So's
Skeleton Key - Margot & The Nuclear So and So's
Testing The Strong Ones - Copeland
When Paula Sparks - Copeland
Parachute - Guster
Demons - Guster
Everything Starts Where It Ends - Lovedrug
Down Towards The Healing - Lovedrug
Fix You - Coldplay
The Scientist - Coldplay

And if you're looking for a good read, I highly recommend Francis Chan's 'Crazy Love'. I love that man, and I love his writing even more. Good stuff.

Love you guys.

-benjamin

turning of a leaf.

Hmm.

I've endured the past four years without ever buckling under the immense pressure of starting my own blog. I've seen many a friend and foe fall victim to sharing their feelings for the world to see, but always stood strong against the storm.

But alas, I have finally fallen off my little mountain top of pride. Get ready to delve into the inter-most depths of my heart and mind.

Hahaha. Riiiiight. Sorry, I felt like I needed to kick this thing off in a very stereo-typical way. Janet always told me that I needed to write more, and I always told her that I would, maybe someday. Well, I figure now's the time.

Whew, where to start. This past week and half have been what some might term 'not ideal', but I really don't want to make this another eulogy about Janet's life. I loved that girl with all my heart, and we had some the greatest memories together of which I will never forget. I guess what I do want to 'say' is something that I feel like God has laid very heavily on my heart through this entire situation.

Like a lot of us, I had no freakin clue how in the world I was going to make it through each day. I spent A LOT of time in prayer, and I had no choice but to rely completely on God every waking moment. I cannot begin to try and describe the compassion, peace, joy, and strength that He laid upon me and still is.

It's been exactly 11 days. 5 days since the beautiful funeral service. Sitting there, listening to her beautiful journal entries, you could not help but be moved. This entire situation has almost felt like a bomb going off at times - the effects were felt immediately and it made everyone get up off their ____ and evaluate right where they stood with our Lord.

But now, it's weird. I'm still having to rely on God to get me through certain situations and times throughout the day when stuff just gets to be 'too much'. But day by day, I feel like I'm getting back to being able to function 'normally'. Which I think is a good thing, right? I know it sounds weird, but Satan is flat out freaking out right now. Janet's life touched A LOT of people, and her legacy that she passed on stands to change a lot of peoples lives. Satan wants none of that. He just wants us to go back to our lives exactly like they were before 9-28-08. Yes, he wants us to get pissed and blame God for taking her away. But I think that he's also going to be completely fine if we all let this flame that she ignited in our hearts slowly die out as we slip right back into our lives as we knew them. Comfortable and self-centered.

"Life here is short. Live for eternity."

Am I truly living for eternity in every aspect of my life? Life can be so grey at times, but we you put your 'eternal sunglasses' on, for me at least it gets real black and white real fast. Those relationships and situations that God has put in your path become quite clear. They have for me.

I know it might not all make perfect sense, but you gotta give me a little credit, I am a 'noob' at this whole thing. Hah.

Love you guys.

"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."

Matthew 11:28-30