turning of a leaf.

Hmm.

I've endured the past four years without ever buckling under the immense pressure of starting my own blog. I've seen many a friend and foe fall victim to sharing their feelings for the world to see, but always stood strong against the storm.

But alas, I have finally fallen off my little mountain top of pride. Get ready to delve into the inter-most depths of my heart and mind.

Hahaha. Riiiiight. Sorry, I felt like I needed to kick this thing off in a very stereo-typical way. Janet always told me that I needed to write more, and I always told her that I would, maybe someday. Well, I figure now's the time.

Whew, where to start. This past week and half have been what some might term 'not ideal', but I really don't want to make this another eulogy about Janet's life. I loved that girl with all my heart, and we had some the greatest memories together of which I will never forget. I guess what I do want to 'say' is something that I feel like God has laid very heavily on my heart through this entire situation.

Like a lot of us, I had no freakin clue how in the world I was going to make it through each day. I spent A LOT of time in prayer, and I had no choice but to rely completely on God every waking moment. I cannot begin to try and describe the compassion, peace, joy, and strength that He laid upon me and still is.

It's been exactly 11 days. 5 days since the beautiful funeral service. Sitting there, listening to her beautiful journal entries, you could not help but be moved. This entire situation has almost felt like a bomb going off at times - the effects were felt immediately and it made everyone get up off their ____ and evaluate right where they stood with our Lord.

But now, it's weird. I'm still having to rely on God to get me through certain situations and times throughout the day when stuff just gets to be 'too much'. But day by day, I feel like I'm getting back to being able to function 'normally'. Which I think is a good thing, right? I know it sounds weird, but Satan is flat out freaking out right now. Janet's life touched A LOT of people, and her legacy that she passed on stands to change a lot of peoples lives. Satan wants none of that. He just wants us to go back to our lives exactly like they were before 9-28-08. Yes, he wants us to get pissed and blame God for taking her away. But I think that he's also going to be completely fine if we all let this flame that she ignited in our hearts slowly die out as we slip right back into our lives as we knew them. Comfortable and self-centered.

"Life here is short. Live for eternity."

Am I truly living for eternity in every aspect of my life? Life can be so grey at times, but we you put your 'eternal sunglasses' on, for me at least it gets real black and white real fast. Those relationships and situations that God has put in your path become quite clear. They have for me.

I know it might not all make perfect sense, but you gotta give me a little credit, I am a 'noob' at this whole thing. Hah.

Love you guys.

"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."

Matthew 11:28-30